4th May 2002 - Interview with top Ah Beng Scholar

In light of the tough education system, cRaP!web has decided to invite Tan Ah Kow, a well known household name, to share with us his diverse field of knowledge. Tan Ah Kow was a scholar from BENGS (Bunch of English NOers Grade School). Because his school encourages good English we have also decided to interview him on his views of the Speak Great English Campaign.

cRaP!web: Good evening Mr. Tan.
Ah Kow: Ho, ho. (Good, good)

cRaP!web: May I know what you do for a living?
Ah Kow: Orh, beri shrimple. Lim Pei go Gaylang and chia kopi lui.

cRaP!web: For whom?
Ah Kow: For Tow Kay lah! Yew don't even know? Yew want Lim Pei to hang pig's head izzit?

cRaP!web: No, no. Of course not. For the benifit of our readers, let's test your knowledge with some questions. Is that ok?

Ah Kow: Chin Cai (Anything).

cRaP!web: What is 1 times 1?
Ah Kow: Aiyah, you ask Lim Pei dis type of lousy ming kia (things), Lim Pei confirm know.

cRaP!web: So what's the answer?
Ah Kow: So shrimple, it's 11 right? Ah, Lim Pei know yew thought that Lim Pei will say 2 but Lim Pei say 11. See, Lim Pei so smart.

cRaP!web: Ok, now let me test you on Science. What is a mountain?
Ah Kow: Aiyah, don't ask dis type of question leh. Very pai seh (embarrassing) one leh. Mountain is what Lim Pei wife have lor. Aiyoh, next next.

cRaP!web: Right... English now... What does the phrase hot on somebody's heel's mean?
Ah Kow: It means that the weather is very hot lah! Yew dunno how to ask question izzit? The answer is already in the question.

cRaP!web: Well, we shall not go on anymore right?
Ah Kow: Chin Cai. Lim Pei don't care.

cRaP!web: Thank you for your time. Hope to see you soon.
Ah Kow: K, K, siam leh! Lim Pei need to go and pang sai! Mai tu liao!